No more McDonalds.
No more carbonated drinks.
No more tea.
No more creamer in my coffee, and a limit to 1 tablespoon of Blue Agave Sweetener.
No more eating at night.
Drink only water after basketball, no more basketball.
I’m blessed. That’s all I should have to remember whenever I get upset or sad. I am blessed beyond belief.
Something is eating away at me and the thing that makes it worse is that I have no idea of the source of this sadness. Even among the company of friends, the melodies of good music, and a nice retreat center after a good service, there’s a dreading feel of melancholy.
아이씨… 잠이 왜 않와… 내일 교희 버스 않에서 침을 흘리면서 가고 싶지 않아…아ㅏㅏㅏ왕 짜증나. 이러게 늦게까지 깨어있으면 일어날 수있는 것은, McDonald’s 가는 것 뿐이야… ㅠㅠ
- Randy: Ugh, my balls itch
- Cynthia: Omg me too
- Randy: Haha, ew baby
- Cynthia: Haha I'm sorry. I'm so open with you
- Randy: Did you even hear what I said? I said my balls itch.
- Cynthia: I know, and I said mine did too
- And this was in 100% seriousness... oh my God, is there something I missed?
talking a lot seems to be an excuse to be friends
you don’t have to constantly speak to one another
to know you are friends
The one thing I truly wish I had were some friends that knew me since birth. Recently, I saw a picture of a guy who took pictures before his wedding and how the same friends from birth have changed throughout the years. How lucky would that be? To have friends that you know won’t abandon you throughout life. Yeah, you can always make new friends and lose old friends and might just be the whole process of life; but how nice would it be to have those friends that are just always going to be there for you.
From crawling around in our diapers, to riding our bicycles together. Sleepovers with video game binges, sharing the experiences of high school together, playing basketball out at the park, and going through the development of each other’s own identity. There would be no questions of “Are you ok?” or “What’s wrong?” because everyone would just know, that’s just who they are.
Having moved from San Francisco, to New York City, and finally here, to Maryland, I got the short end of the stick having to split from my closest friends and dealing with the inevitable split that comes with distance. So as much as I try to take into consideration that the whole thing is part of “God’s plan,” sometimes, I wish I could have done things my own way.
Fuck, I can’t concentrate on what I write when I’m at home. Everything seems like an incomplete thought. This house is suffocating…
So, I’m not really sure what was going through my head when I agreed to be a teacher at NKUMC. Why would anyone put the responsibility of high school children’s spiritual lives into the hands of someone who can’t even maintain his own spiritual life.
KM/EM retreat is this Thursday-Sunday so I might as well use that time to rethink it, figure out where I am on this journey with God, and set my priorities straight.
But for tonight, I’m just gonna Skype with Cynthia, patch up my feet, clean and do the dishes, and look up some basketball shoes with some legit cushioning. Feet are killing me.
I still really want this wrist tattoo but is it worth taking the risk of being kicked out of the house?
Maybe I can cover it with a watch or a bracelet while I’m at home. Jenny got away with a lip ring for like 2 years now. I like my chances…
Wearing a pullover hoodie.
Sitting next to an open window.
Reading a book.
Having a cigarette on hand.
Cup of bitter coffee next to you.
Slight breeze wafting through the window.
The gentle sound of rain hitting the pavement.
But you know, cleaning your dusty ass room while your sister is annoying you is cool too.
I’ve been getting rid of the things that remind me of my previous self,
Like I can forget the past and wash away my sins.